Dear Mom: Happy Mother’s Day! Oh and I’m getting my tubes tied.

On the 5th of every month, bloggers from around the world are open to write about rights and issues concerning women. First started by Shine and Marie, we’re hoping to bring a variety of women’s issues to the forefront to make people aware of what’s going on. For the month of May, we’ve chosen to write about Women’s Reproductive Rights and Issues. Please join us in telling us your stories, thoughts, and ideas on a monthly basis.

Inspired by Sketches’ post today. If you haven’t read it, DO IT NOW!

I am an only child. Oh the pressure. Don’t get me wrong: I have awesome parents, but I know deep down, they want grandchildren. Hordes of them. Have I mentioned I hate kids? No? Well “hate” is a pretty strong word, but suffice to say, I don’t like kids. They’re loud, annoying, and they poop. Everywhere. I babysat when I was in high school (no lie), and I even took a Parenting class. I think maybe it was the class that made up my mind. Imagine 50 screaming toddlers, all in the same location. Not so much.

When I was younger (pre 18), I wanted kids. At least I thought I did. Just goes to show you how much you “know” as a teenager. Being a mother was expected of me. My family’s pretty conservative. My aunt and uncle have 4 daughters, who are all younger than me. They all pretty much just went to college because it was expected (as did I), but mostly to find husbands. And it worked. For 3 out of 4 anyway. Now they’re happily married with multiple children. Honestly, there’s so many I’ve lost count.

I am the black sheep. The non-conformist. The radical. I lived with multiple boyfriends. No, not all at once. Duh. Most likely, I will never get “married”, at least in the conventional sense. But in my heart, I am. I have an awesome partner who I will spend the rest of my life with. He has a son. A 17-year-old son. At 35 (me), and 43 (him), there’s just no way we’re going to procreate. I’ve had the teenage years with my step-son, and I think that’s what convinced me. Of course, there are many other reasons: over-population, money, cats, etc. I’ve been discussing this issue with my Ob/Gyn for the last couple of years, and this is the best plan for me, for my life, and for my body. I’ve been on the pill for almost 20 years, and as a smoker, it’s not so smart. Heart attacks, strokes, blood clots: you name it. Over 35, it becomes dangerous, so I’ve considered other options. Tubal ligation fits for me. Maybe not for everyone, but for me, it’s the best plan.

So why am I ashamed? Why am I scared to tell my parents (mostly Mom)?

Because I am about to bash their biggest, albeit delusional dream.

So this year for Mother’s Day, I’m giving the gift of life. That’s right: life. Mine. And you know what? I’m happy about that.



Filed under Blogs - 2010

3 responses to “Dear Mom: Happy Mother’s Day! Oh and I’m getting my tubes tied.

  1. Honest and beautiful post. Reproductive rights embrace all issues regarding our bodies, including never having children. I wanted a kid, but by no means should it be the norm that every woman needs to have a child simply because she has a uterus. I’ve known women who didn’t want to have a kid because they were scared of gaining weight. Why should I care? I want woman to be able to live their lives in a way that fosters their growth and their happiness. Good luck. 😉

  2. Thank you for this post! I to am sick and tired of telling my Mom I’m not planning on ever having kids or being married- Can’t I just be like Kurt and Goldie? Everyone always says, “Well, one day you will”. Guess what? One day has come and gone and I still don’t. That doesn’t make me a freak, just a responsible woman who knows what I want and am not afraid to say it.

    I hope your Mother understands, and I’m sure she will love you no matter what (at least that was always my fear)

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