Monthly Archives: July 2010

The secret lives we live

I am not myself

this facade in daylight

this plastic version of me.

We are all alternate realities:

the rockstar

the primadonna

the ballerina

the physicist.

Splitting identities

in shadows of dusky twilight,

a mere glimmer of truth.

We dream

of freedom in flying,

forgetting our faults,

then fall back to Earth

unknown again.

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learning to fly

Tripping through life

stumbling, falling

palms out, knees scraping on concrete

i bleed

underneath

layers of words, skin, eyes

peeling off, pouring out

into my delicate hands

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Geez my life is depressing and OMIGOD KITTEHS!

Seriously, that’s all I’ve got. Evil Day Job is still evil, but hell, at least I’ve got a job! Currently, there are 3 people close to me that are either unemployed or damn near close, so I can be thankful for paychecks. Money is awesome. Not that I’d know, since it seems to disappear faster than I earn it, but alas, I digress.

I’ve been struggling for a way to approach this subject, as I do not want to seem whiny or emotional not sure anyone cares, but fuck it. I’m just going to say it, because I’m blunt like that. If you can’t deal or don’t care, then fuck off because I’m too old and have been through enough shit to care anymore.

So without further ado, my mom……..

Everything has happened so swiftly, that I barely have time to process one occurence before another hits the fan. I think the only time I mentioned the mom thing was when she first went into the hospital, and they were simply trying to save her leg. Yeah….not so much.

Again, I digress. The leg was amputated below the knee on Saturday, and today she’s being transferred to a care facility/rehabilitation center. Apparently, four days is long enough to deal. Wha…?

Our family is furious in a bit of shock,  and mom is depressed, to say the least. Depression is natural, a part of the mental process of losing a limb. Hell, even I feel guilty for having two legs, being young and healthy, and just generally want to win the lottery to buy her a bionic leg. Or at least a really awesome house that’s equipped with all the things she will need. 

The single (well almost) thought that keeps resonating through my brain is, “I’m not ready for this!” But really, that is simply selfishness on my part. This is not about me, but it does affect me.

The worst part is the rift in our relationship. I know she’s going through a shit-ton of crapola right now, and she wants to shield me from pain, but FUCK THAT! I want to know, and I want to know now. My mom was the main person I spoke to in my family, and probably the closest person to me. I miss that. I suppose it will get better, but I feel like I’m losing her fast.

Anyway, that was depressing, but I’ll post it before I pussy-out.

I leave you with more lovely kitty pictures, this time from my dad.

Why yes, I do resemble my human.

No really, we love each other.

 

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Guess which one’s Killer?

These are my babies. Sophia is our oldie but goodie (middle). Bet you can guess who Killer is…

Betsy’s the sweetie-pie looking one on the right.

I think the whole red-eye thing really makes the photos. 🙂

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