Tag Archives: sometimes I think too much

glimpse

caught between

screen and glass

truth and lies

denial of self

banging on my window pane

remorse breathes steam

in dreams

as I draw designs

making marks

slicing into soul

condensing

into

droplets

of

pain

that drip

   drip

      drip

blinking down

and in that brief moment

before they disperse into air

disappear

I see

perfectly

visions of the future

I have not yet attained

 

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Filed under Poetry

Writing is…like air. (crossover post)

Lest you think you’re hallucinating, yes. You are.

Just kidding. Maybe.

I posted this on my Sobriety of the Soul blog yesterday, but the more I think obsess about it, the more I think I should have actually posted it on this site, being that this is my creative blog.

So, just in case, I’m reposting, as most of my writer friends pay more attention to this blog.

Plus, I forgot to tag people.

No pressure…..

Worst case scenario, you’ve already read it? Okay then. Scroll down to see if I tagged you…

The last few days, I’ve been witnessing a bunch of writerly type friends posting on their blogs, explaining their passion for writing: how they do it, what motivates, what inspires them, etc.

Christina Vincent

Carrie Clevenger

Wookiesgirl

and many more…

For every post, five more are tagged with only the prompt “Writing is…”.

For me, writing is like air. If I’m not breathing, I might as well be dead.

I used to think that my talent was some sort of abstract emotion, barely within grasp, sometimes lost completely.

I was wrong.

Determination.

Dedication.

Diligence.

As a writer, if you can always remember those 3Ds, you’ll make it. <———lol stupid pun

Just set a schedule for yourself, plunk down in front of the keyboard, or if you’re really old-school, grab the nearest writing utensil and a cocktail napkin and GO!

Spontaneity is great. Don’t get me wrong…

But firm dedication is the backbone to our harrowed flesh.

Even if I spew out three words from my overly exhausted, brain-dead mind, those are three more words than I had before.

It works for me.

Go with your mood, but always write.

And for chrissakes, remember to breathe! ;)

And without further ado…TAG! YOU’RE IT!

Sharon Gerlach

NL Gervasio

Kristen Gehrke

Stacey Wallace Benefiel

Pia Veleno

No pressure, ladies! 😉 Do whatever you want.

Next up, The Joys of Reading. A.K.A. My OCD/ADD reading habits.

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Filed under Blogs 2011

beind these eyes

I long to breathe you in

a moment

a pause

in the universe

where our time is

not so rushed,

this starving,

breathless desire.

 

I long for brief

respite from repetitive

madness

mind wandering

waiting patiently

for my never-ending

all-knowing

eyes of fire.

 

I long for hours

uninterrupted

an envelope

of quiet

lips, tongues

trailing down

into this void

safe

becoming

one with you.

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Filed under Poetry

God is a woman

A.K.A. Gender stereotypes and the construction of Self.

WARNING: This is a post where I get all smart and bookish and feministy…continue if you will…

Originally, this post was inspired by Christina Vincent‘s shared link on Facebook, entitled “Gender stereotypes easing more for girls than boys.” by David Crary. Click it. Read it. This is the easy part…

I knew from the get-go that there was a blog post for me in there. So, I braved the allergies, and dug out all my old papers and references from my college Literary Criticism and Theory class, and did a bit of research. Plus, I found a bunch of poetry from 1994, so that alone was worth it?!

English 419 was my favorite class in my four-year stint at UO. In fact, I loved it so much, I took it twice?!

Okay, so I flailed miserably the first time around, and retook the class the following year, receiving a much higher grade. This was the only course I took twice during college. Apparently, taking a split Undergrad/Graduate course as a sophomore is not recommended. I agree. It was too soon the first time around, and I was still in the “Omigod, let’s party!” mode…..such is the life of the undergrad. My professor, Linda Kintz, was my mentor. I learned more from her than anyone else in the whole four years?! I’m positive she has no freaking clue who I am, but still…

I have always found that it’s the teachers who tormented forced believed in your mental abilities to be the most inspirational. For example, my senior year of high school, I had the most gruesome AP English teacher, whom we all despised. But now I look back at him as an inspiration for what I’ve become. He was a complete jerky-pants, but he made me think, gave me the classical base I’d need to eventually study English in college, and subsequently graduate with a BA in English Lit.

I saw him on the bus a few years ago, and thanked him.

He had no freaking clue who I was…… 😉

Alas, I digress…..

My point, originally, was that this article about gender stereotypes reminded me of a classroom experiment we did in English 419, regarding gender stereotypes in males versus females. There was a brief questionnaire (about 10 questions) in which we were asked generic questions and our answers where then lumped into categories of male or female. For example, one question was whether or not you wear nylons….

And I can’t believe I just gave myself allergies again, and can’t find the damn questions?!

However, I did find a questionnaire about heterosexual stereotypes, but that’s another post altogether. 😉

Have I mentioned that I minored in Women’s Studies, as well as Creative Writing? Unfortunately, there were no minors actually given at the time I went to college, so I guess more of an emphasis than a minor….

Anyway……..

I answered all the questions with the stereotypical male answers…

Dudes…I’m a chick.

But apparently not a girlie-girl. Or perhaps I just hate nylons? I’m okay with that. In fact, I’m more than okay. I embrace it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not all feminist-head-bashing-assholey about it. I just believe that EVERYONE, no matter what sex you are conceived as, has a right to make their own choices about life, love, and pretty much anything. Except killing people.

Apparently, they haven’t legalized that yet. 😉

But here’s the odd part: everyone in the class fell on both sides of the gender spectrum, regardless of their physical sex.

I thought the jocks were gonna shit themselves. Which made me wonder just what the hell they were doing in that class?!

So to say that gender is somehow ingrained in our collective psyche seems ridiculous. Of course gender is constructed?! It’s the old Nature versus Nurture question.

I always said that if I ever had kids (not gonna happen), or more appropriately, sons, that they’d probably end up gay. Because I don’t care. I’ll let them play with dolls, wear nail polish, and just generally do whatever they want. They’re kids?! At that stage of development, society does NOT need to be making judgements or attempting to rationalize…simply leave them be to grow up however they would like. Easier said than done.

Personally, I always wanted Legos. I got Barbie.

The world is full of stereotypes. I’m just happy that I live in a country where it is permitted for me to express my thoughts, without risking a lot.

I’m a feminist. And no, not a head-bashing feminist. An educated one.

Apparently so:

  • I hate nylons.
  • I enjoy porn.
  • I’d rather shoot the shit with the guys and chug beer than go shopping with the girls.
  • Sometimes, I like to dress up and feel pretty.
  • I wear make-up. Not that I wouldn’t leave the house without it…
  • I walk into bars and drink by myself.

Speaking of……the alone-drinking-thing…

Years ago, I had a male friend (Chad) tell me that because I readily walked into bars solo and engaged people in conversations, that I was basically “asking for it”.

Um yeah…….I didn’t speak to him for months. And even later, never truly respected the man again. But honestly, this gender-based construct is everywhere?! Granted, the bias is more reticent with an older generation of males, but it’s still there, even in the younger crowd.

I know…they hit on me.

They don’t get very far…

And if they’re lucky, I don’t punch them in the nose…

Ugh…seriously. That shit pisses me the fuck off. What gives some jackass-douchebag the right to ask me why I would sit at a bar alone drinking, when they are doing the same thing themselves?!

Talk about stereotypes?!

And on that note, I will leave you with a video of kick-ass girl proportions and short shorts. Cuz I can.

Blainey, this is your ringtone. Cuz you’re my fist-bumping chick friend. 🙂

So go ye forth and purchase Legos and Barbies. Just give them to the opposite child. See what happens…

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Filed under Blogs 2011

addiction

I feel

no poetry

only

sex & smokes

my love

of the sadistic

satanic side

I feel

no guilt

only

this lust

overwhelming

me & myself

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Filed under Poetry

conversations over coffee

“Cigarette?”

I hate you

for dating stupid women

I hate

the way you smile now

I hate

your small-talk at me

in my face

I hate

that bedroom voice

“…….thanks.”

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Filed under Poetry

shine

a-line

straight line

down the line

I find

dandelions

in concrete cracks

of sunlight

through storms

in the night

never tonight

in this twilight

of memory

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Filed under Poetry